Are you suffering domestic voilence?

Information and guidance for people suffering domestic violence

What is domestic violence?

'Domestic violence or Domestic Abuse typically involves a pattern of physical, sexual and emotional abuse and intimidation which escalates in frequency and severity over time.

It can be understood as the misuse of power and exercise of control (Pence and Payman 1996) by one partner over another, this can happen in same sex relationships as well as heterosexual relationships.

It has profound consequences in the lives of individual's families and communities.

(Mullender and Humphreys, 1998)

There are many forms of domestic violence. Which is why we also use the term Domestic Abuse, it is not just about being physically beaten or hit.

It comes in many different forms.

Listed below is a range of different types of domestic abuse, this is sadly by no means all of them and many victims suffer several at any one time.

If you believe that you are a victim of domestic violence then there is a list of local and national helplines linked to this page.

	Economic abuse : This can mean that your finances are being controlled or even withheld by another person. You may have to ask for money, or ask to leave, or enter the family home, You may not be allowed to work or even be forced to work against your will.
	Emotional Abuse : This can be name calling or intimidation, threatening you, smashing or breaking your possessions, playing mind games, making you feel guilty, stupid or 'mad', abusing or threatening your pets and even displaying weapons, all these are used to control the victim.
	Sexual abuse : This is the sexual violation of a person by another person against their will or by coercion or manipulation. The abuser could use violence, threats or intimidation to force the victim to engage in sexual activity at a time when they do not want to. This can also mean forcing the victim to watch movies or look at pictures that make them uncomfortable it can also involve pressuring the victim to have sex with other people(s).
	Using Isolation : sometimes victims of Domestic abuse are subject to isolation this involves a sometimes drawn-out process of control, your movements are monitored, Your family and your choice of friends are often criticised and even restricted or stopped all together. Often the person who uses this technique will use jealousy or insecurity as justification for their behaviour/actions.
	Using the children : often when in an abusive relationship there is a fear that if we leave the children will suffer or be taken away, Often the abuser will make you feel guilty about removing the children and will even threaten to take them away from you. Sometimes the children are used to relay messages to the victim; this is all part of the intimidation and control of the victim. Sadly the abuser may also abuse the children or threaten to do so. Often placing a huge amount of guilt on the women and her presence in the situation, please remember there are people who can help you and who do not believe that any abuse is the victims 'fault'. (see helplines)
	Minimising and blame : This is huge within Domestic violence often the abuse is reduced in severity and made out to be 'nothing much' the abuser will not take the victims distress seriously and will often blame them for their actions 'you pushed all my buttons' or 'you know that winds me up' the victim is led to believe that somehow they 'deserved' the abuse This again is a form of coercion no one has the right to control, bully or hurt you physically or emotionally.
	We are aware that reading these definitions of abuse can be seriously distressing for many people, do not be alone.

(Source: Power and Control 'The Duluth Model')

Statistically 1in 4 women suffer some form of domestic abuse we believe that this figure is as high as 1 in 2.

What you must remember is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Although demeter cannot support individuals in crisis, at this time. there are a variety of organisations that can. Each will treat any contact made with compassion and confidentiality. They are there to help you, and are all trained in their profession.

	The first step is to pick up the phone.
	No one will judge.
	No one will insist you leave the abuse. They are there to listen, NOT to judge you.
	All are confidential.
	You do not have to give your name or any information you are not ready to give.